When you’re desperation is gone; so is your commitment.

I seem to understand desperation a lot these days. Commitment, not so much.

I don’t think I have ever struggled this much in my life. I don’t seem to be able to make one day lately without giving up on myself. I’ve gone from being strong, determined and hopeful; to tired, sad and defeated!

I keep trying, but it lasts only a few days. I just can’t seem to get more than a few steps out of the starting gate. So what’s my problem? If I understand desperation so well, where’s my commitment? Maybe my desperation isn’t so desperate after all.

I’m desperate to lose weight. At least I say I am!

I’m desperate to feel better about myself. But not willing to do what it takes!

But mostly, I’m desperate to continue eating garbage to make myself feel better. Even though I know I am only doing more damage.

————

I’m commited to pretending to be commited.

I’m commited to eating all the wrong foods. And burying my emotions.

I’m commited to the quick fix, which never really works!

So maybe I’m not so desperate after all, or even commited. I stumble through each day pretending to be working on my weight-loss goals, eating healthier and making the necessary changes for a better me. I’m so tired of trying to continue with what seems to be a losing battle. Frustration is writing this blog tonight. I do realize this, but need to write down my thoughts as part of my journey.

Goodnight.

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