What Have I Got to Lose?

The obvious answer is WEIGHT! But as I am sitting here watching my son sleep, I am acutely aware that I have so much more to lose than weight. Depression, over-eating, self-pity, doubt, and fear just to name a few.

I’m struggling with a lot lately, but I can’t quite put my finger on the main issue that is causing me such turmoil. Is it a vanity problem? Is it a pre-menopausel hormone issue? Am I an over-whelmed mom of a special needs son who is going through his own issues in puberty? Am I a louzy wife because I just can’t seem to get it together like I used to do?

What is my problem? Selfishness? Pride? What issues have I put front and center that need to be moved? What issues am I ignoring that need to be put in that front and center spot? I seem to come up with more questions than answers…

Have any of you been so frustrated you just wanted to give up? Have you made deals with yourself to do better today? Have you promised that today begins the new and more committed you? The one who eats right, goes to the gym and sings Mary Poppins songs in your head while creating the perfect life. Maybe I’m the only one, I don’t know anymore. I just know I’m tired of trying and failing over and over and over again! Weariness and fatigue have taken over and I honestly don’t know how to get past it. I have been to see a nurse practitioner and am awaiting some test results for thyroid and hormones issues. I can only hope and pray that I will find some answers I am looking for in regards to my health; on the inside as well as the outside.

Please forgive me if my post today is a DEBBIE DOWNER. I am just trying to take another first step in my journey by being honest about where I am at and how I’m feeling. I have been a great concealer of my emotions for far too long and see how destructive it can be to myself and my family. Pray for me fellow bloggers/readers; and if you don’t pray then send me good thoughts. I’m realizing minute by minute that my journey will go on long past the end of 2013. It’s my life and as long as I have to live it, I need to begin again by living it well.

Rambling on,