Posts tagged ‘fat’

The Dreaded Sugar Addiction; and my Frustrations!

The Dreaded Sugar Addiction; and my Frustrations!

What can I say? I’m a sugar addict! I’m an addict period. Never in my life have I felt so helpless. I’ve been reading as much as possible about beating addiction. I’ve read all the “points” that are supposed to help; they haven’t!

I keep going back to the statement “you have to want it bad enough.” Really? Is that really all there is too it? Because I feel like a helpless, frustrated failure. I guess I really don’t want it bad enough to stop drowning myself in quick fixes. I know I’m not alone, but I feel alone. I know I’m not the first person to struggle with this, nor will I be the last. So why does it have to be so damn hard?

My best friend and I have been talking about the reasons why I might be struggling so much at this given moment. Yes I have a lot on my plate, but so do many others. Why now? Why these particular issues at this particular time? I’ve think, thank and thunk them ad nosium…

What connection is there to craving sugar loaded crap versus emotions? I’m not hungry, but I keep going to the refrigerator and the pantry to look AGAIN for something to eat. The high passes and I once again wonder aimlessly through my own kitchen looking for grub!! Am I soothing the soul with sugar? Am I getting my ‘fix’ as a drug addict gets his/hers? I have no answers. I don’t even know if I’m asking the right questions.

What does “lifestyle change” mean? I don’t know if I know how to live a life of “healthy eating.” Better yet, I don’t know if I even want to… How sad is that statement? I don’t even know if eating for health versus eating to glutony means much to me anymore. I. JUST. WANT. TO. EAT. Sadly, I don’t think it has anything to due with hunger.

Signed,
Fat

“I feel like giving up!”

Torn tendon in foot, near pnuemonia…. “What’s next? So tired!”

One of My Motivations…

One of My Motivations...

Sorry I’ve been MIA for a few days folks. It’s been a busy week for the family. Dad has had work issues, mom has had mom issues and sweet Noah has had the Special Olympics!! I wanted to take a moment and brag on my son (a mother’s right you know) and it gave me the idea for this blog post. Not only does he bring unimaginable joy into our lives, he is also a big motivator for me to succeed in my weight loss journey. Back to the bragging part: my son, who hates crowds, noise and exercise of any kind actually battled it all and ran the 50 meter dash. AND HE WON IT!  This was such a huge achievement for him; especially considering that last year in the same event he panicked and fell to the ground when the starting gun went off.

So back to my motivation:

I want to be around (and not couch potato around) if you know what I mean! I want to be here for him as he grows into a young man, runs another race and reaches all the potential that God has for him out in the world. I won’t be able to do those things if I can’t even get myself or my body up and moving. Nor will I accomplish anything if the only walk I ever take is to the refrigerator! When thinking today about all my son accomplished, it brought tears to my eyes. It made me realize how much he has to overcome every day just to function in this world that can be largely noisy, inconsiderate and totally overwhelming for him due to his autism. And yet here I sit, complaining that I CAN’T…. I can’t lose weight! I can’t stop eating! I can’t go to the gym enough! I CAN’T! I CAN’T! I CAN’T!  I came to the conclusion that the only person getting in my way is ME! The only nay-sayer is ME! The only obstacle is ME!

So if my sweet 13-year-old son who battles daily just to do the basics can muster up enough guts to run a race in front of a crowd of people on a hot day ; why can’t I get off my duff and get serious?  I CAN. And I have my son to thank for reminding me that I CAN!

On another note, my husband and I have to consider many things regarding the future for our son. One of the biggest motivations I consider with my whole journey in weight loss is being able to care for my son long after his 18th birthday. You see, our son will most likely live with us all his life. Now we have set up a special needs trust for when the time comes that dad and I are no longer here. That being said, we are both very well aware that as we are aging, we need to stay in as tip-top shape as we can to take care of our son. Again, “couch potato not really the best option!”  

I’ve said a lot in this post. Shared a lot of what my family life is like at home. When it comes down to it, I needed a reminder of my motivation for taking this journey. Please don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of personal motivators that I need to be holding onto and bringing to the forefront. But my son, my sweet young man is definitely tops of the list for this mom. I love him dearly and cannot imagine life without him!

Have a great night all!

Excuses!

Excuses!

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on this myself. Am I buying my own excuses? Indeed, my life is somewhat of a crazy mess. That being said, how long can I continue on the path I’m going? Not long, unless my desired goal is to GAIN WEIGHT!!

Something has to give… but in there lies the quandry. My daily life isn’t going anywhere; son w/ autism who requires a lot of care, husband who travels for work, “(it pays the bills) and the aging process! Argghhh!!

So what do I do? How do I work out daily life so that I can take care of my own needs? Sound selfish? I don’t mean it too. But I also realize that if I don’t do something, I will either be 400 pounds, crazy or BOTH!

The docs appointment is this Thursday. My results are back, in regards to my thyroid and my hormone levels. As much as one doesn’t want something to be wrong; I am hoping that the results will shed some light onto my current physical condition. I don’t think I have ever been so tired and without motivation in my life. But as I look over the last 20+ years I realize I didn’t have the trials, responsibilities and daily interuptions I have now.

I’ll be keeping you all posted on what I find out from the docs. Thanks for all my fellow bloggers support. It’s nice to know I’m not alone on this journey.

F2F2F

FAT!

FAT!

“What makes me cry?” FAT.

“What makes me sweat?” FAT.

“What makes me cry and sweat?” FAT.

When I saw this photo I was so encouraged; and then just moments later I was discouraged. I don’t think I’ve ever faced such a hard battle as my current one to downsize and get healthy.

I loved the illustration. Imagine the FAT on your body being turned to tears of sweat; each drop taking with it a portion of the pounds you’re trying to shed. I want that determination that I see on her face. I want it to last more than 24 hours.

I. WANT. IT.

DETERMINATION.

Sweat induced, fat-burning, DETERMINATION!

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