Posts tagged ‘help’

Fragments of thoughts…

Why is it that when I do actually have a few moments to write, that the words won’t come out? All these fragments of thoughts roaming around my head and I’m unable to put them into a coherent sentence. It kinda feels like that in my weight-loss journey; or lack thereof.

I have moments of strength and many more moments of weakness. I haven’t been able to find that place, that encouragement, that determination that I had way back when… I’m afraid I’ve hit that point of no return and I’m scared! Funny thing? I don’t really think it’s about the weight. I think the weight gain is merely an outward sign of what’s going on inside my head. Too bad there isn’t a diet that can fix head problems!! If someone ever does invent it; they’ll be rich!! Maybe I should work on it?!?

It’s funny, sitting here typing and my mind wandered to all that I have to be thankful for in both my life as a whole and my journey to being a healthier me. I have good marriage with a supportive husband. I have a step-son and grandchildren who make me grateful to be “family,” and last but not least a wonderful son, who despite his autism makes my life a joy! It’s hard though, many times the things/people in our lives that bring us the most joy also bring us the hardest challenges. Knowing and finding that fine line of ‘holding it together’ and pushing/praying through the hard times is that place that many times I lose site of…

To be continued…

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Hoping Makes Nothing Happen; Action Does!!

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How funny that it takes so many tries to get something right and have it actually mean something… For me this is SO TRUE! What I gain easily (not weight as I do gain ThAT easily), I rarely value. What is easy for me to achieve, usually means nothing because I haven’t truly worked hard for it. I know my words are not 100% for everyone, but for me… they ring true most of the time.

What comes quickly and easily, I don’t tend to value its worth. Yet that which takes time, trials and sweat; these, I remember!!

So what’s my point? I’m not sure. I’ve been struggling for quite some time. You that read and / or follow my blog will see as my posts have all but stopped for the past few months. This is part of my ‘not so great‘ qualities. I give up when it gets hard. I bury myself in the memories of what was, instead of focusing on what is and what can be.

I’m typing out the ramblings going through my mind this morning. I usually don’t have that luxury as my handicapped son is with me virtually 24 hours a day. This is certainly not his fault, but it does lend itself to my limited amount of time for me stuff.

I’d appreciate your thoughts, prayers, encouragements and practical advice from those who struggle with letting life overwhelm you. I realize we all have different issues to deal with and there’s not a ‘cure all’ piece of advice for everything. I would just like to hear from you and words from your own experiences.

Thanks in advance,

“Jewels”

Everything UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!

Seriously UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!

F2F2F

(NEW) BLOG POST!!

Well I just trashed the blog I’ve been writing since last night. It stunk. It rambled. It raved! So here I sit while the clock ticks away and I have but an hour alone before my hubby and son come home. Oh yeah, and I have to be ready as my hubs is taking me out on a date. But I just can’t seem to pull myself away from here….

You saw my brief post about getting the official word on my INSANITY Certification. I was so excited! I’m not sure why other than I accomplished something and it made me happy. This week has had its up and downs and I just needed that little something happy start my weekend.  I won’t go into a long story (that’s what I did on the other blog I trashed), but suffice it to say that this past week had its share of ups and downs. The hardest being a young man lost his life at the park down the road from my house, and my husband was one of the men trying to save him with CPR/mouth to mouth. It was the most overwhelming time as we met with the parents the next day. The came to thank for husband for doing all he could, even though their son still left this world. The wanted to see one of the men who were with him when he died. I’m not trying to leave you all down, but I wanted to share how much this event impacted me and my family. How much we have all talked and discussed endless things in light of what happened to this young man:  One moment he was here, then he was gone!

Of my struggles this past year; dealing w/ pubescent autistic teen, husbands job loss and my 50 lb. weight gain, I realised how secondary those things are when not put in their proper place. I’m not saying what’s been happening in my life isn’t important, it is!! But when things like this happen so unexpectedly, it causes most of us to reflect.  It did me.

So what am I saying? Simple.

*Enjoy life.

*Live it well. 

*Live it with purpose.

*Take care of the mind as well as the body.

*Love others.

*Take nothing for granted.

*Appreciate everything.

Prepare yourself for a happy ending!! I am.

F2F2F aka,

Jewels, Jules, Julie, Bentley…

 

 

 

What Have I Got to Lose?

What Have I Got to Lose?

The obvious answer is WEIGHT! But as I am sitting here watching my son sleep, I am acutely aware that I have so much more to lose than weight. Depression, over-eating, self-pity, doubt, and fear just to name a few.

I’m struggling with a lot lately, but I can’t quite put my finger on the main issue that is causing me such turmoil. Is it a vanity problem? Is it a pre-menopausel hormone issue? Am I an over-whelmed mom of a special needs son who is going through his own issues in puberty? Am I a louzy wife because I just can’t seem to get it together like I used to do?

What is my problem? Selfishness? Pride? What issues have I put front and center that need to be moved? What issues am I ignoring that need to be put in that front and center spot? I seem to come up with more questions than answers…

Have any of you been so frustrated you just wanted to give up? Have you made deals with yourself to do better today? Have you promised that today begins the new and more committed you? The one who eats right, goes to the gym and sings Mary Poppins songs in your head while creating the perfect life. Maybe I’m the only one, I don’t know anymore. I just know I’m tired of trying and failing over and over and over again! Weariness and fatigue have taken over and I honestly don’t know how to get past it. I have been to see a nurse practitioner and am awaiting some test results for thyroid and hormones issues. I can only hope and pray that I will find some answers I am looking for in regards to my health; on the inside as well as the outside.

Please forgive me if my post today is a DEBBIE DOWNER. I am just trying to take another first step in my journey by being honest about where I am at and how I’m feeling. I have been a great concealer of my emotions for far too long and see how destructive it can be to myself and my family. Pray for me fellow bloggers/readers; and if you don’t pray then send me good thoughts. I’m realizing minute by minute that my journey will go on long past the end of 2013. It’s my life and as long as I have to live it, I need to begin again by living it well.

Rambling on,
F2F2F

“Is it time to eat, AGAIN?”

Today was a relatively routine day in my life. As I sat tonight to write a bit for the blog, I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to share. Then it hit me, I wasn’t hungry today! Don’t misunderstand me, I did eat! But the last six months or so all I’ve done is obsess about food. What am I going eat? When am I going to eat? Now that I’ve eaten, when can I eat again? So sitting down on the couch tonight and realizing I didn’t obsess about food all day was sort of exciting!! I feel like I’ve hit one of those milestones we all strive for when working towards a specific goal. Mine being weight loss & healthier eating as a lifestyle change. It was that little push of momentum that a put a smile on my face tonight. This journey isn’t hopeless. It may take some time, but I can do this….

I’ve been reading up on some of my fellow bloggers and their journies as well. What an encouragement to read the stories of others who are travelling a same or similar path that I am on at this point in my life. Hang tough everyone! Keep the encouragements, recipes, exercise tips and more coming…. Why do it alone when there are some many others out there who have so much to offer. Many thanks to you fellow bloggers who have encouraged me merely by stopping by and taking the time to read my ramblings! I hope I can repay you by sending / blogging some encouragment of my own!

Good Night!

F2F2F

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