Posts tagged ‘sadness’

The Dreaded Sugar Addiction; and my Frustrations!

The Dreaded Sugar Addiction; and my Frustrations!

What can I say? I’m a sugar addict! I’m an addict period. Never in my life have I felt so helpless. I’ve been reading as much as possible about beating addiction. I’ve read all the “points” that are supposed to help; they haven’t!

I keep going back to the statement “you have to want it bad enough.” Really? Is that really all there is too it? Because I feel like a helpless, frustrated failure. I guess I really don’t want it bad enough to stop drowning myself in quick fixes. I know I’m not alone, but I feel alone. I know I’m not the first person to struggle with this, nor will I be the last. So why does it have to be so damn hard?

My best friend and I have been talking about the reasons why I might be struggling so much at this given moment. Yes I have a lot on my plate, but so do many others. Why now? Why these particular issues at this particular time? I’ve think, thank and thunk them ad nosium…

What connection is there to craving sugar loaded crap versus emotions? I’m not hungry, but I keep going to the refrigerator and the pantry to look AGAIN for something to eat. The high passes and I once again wonder aimlessly through my own kitchen looking for grub!! Am I soothing the soul with sugar? Am I getting my ‘fix’ as a drug addict gets his/hers? I have no answers. I don’t even know if I’m asking the right questions.

What does “lifestyle change” mean? I don’t know if I know how to live a life of “healthy eating.” Better yet, I don’t know if I even want to… How sad is that statement? I don’t even know if eating for health versus eating to glutony means much to me anymore. I. JUST. WANT. TO. EAT. Sadly, I don’t think it has anything to due with hunger.

Signed,
Fat

“I feel like giving up!”

Torn tendon in foot, near pnuemonia…. “What’s next? So tired!”

Hoping Makes Nothing Happen; Action Does!!

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How funny that it takes so many tries to get something right and have it actually mean something… For me this is SO TRUE! What I gain easily (not weight as I do gain ThAT easily), I rarely value. What is easy for me to achieve, usually means nothing because I haven’t truly worked hard for it. I know my words are not 100% for everyone, but for me… they ring true most of the time.

What comes quickly and easily, I don’t tend to value its worth. Yet that which takes time, trials and sweat; these, I remember!!

So what’s my point? I’m not sure. I’ve been struggling for quite some time. You that read and / or follow my blog will see as my posts have all but stopped for the past few months. This is part of my ‘not so great‘ qualities. I give up when it gets hard. I bury myself in the memories of what was, instead of focusing on what is and what can be.

I’m typing out the ramblings going through my mind this morning. I usually don’t have that luxury as my handicapped son is with me virtually 24 hours a day. This is certainly not his fault, but it does lend itself to my limited amount of time for me stuff.

I’d appreciate your thoughts, prayers, encouragements and practical advice from those who struggle with letting life overwhelm you. I realize we all have different issues to deal with and there’s not a ‘cure all’ piece of advice for everything. I would just like to hear from you and words from your own experiences.

Thanks in advance,

“Jewels”

Tired of failing…

When you’re desperation is gone; so is your commitment.

I seem to understand desperation a lot these days. Commitment, not so much.

I don’t think I have ever struggled this much in my life. I don’t seem to be able to make one day lately without giving up on myself. I’ve gone from being strong, determined and hopeful; to tired, sad and defeated!

I keep trying, but it lasts only a few days. I just can’t seem to get more than a few steps out of the starting gate. So what’s my problem? If I understand desperation so well, where’s my commitment? Maybe my desperation isn’t so desperate after all.

I’m desperate to lose weight. At least I say I am!

I’m desperate to feel better about myself. But not willing to do what it takes!

But mostly, I’m desperate to continue eating garbage to make myself feel better. Even though I know I am only doing more damage.

————

I’m commited to pretending to be commited.

I’m commited to eating all the wrong foods. And burying my emotions.

I’m commited to the quick fix, which never really works!

So maybe I’m not so desperate after all, or even commited. I stumble through each day pretending to be working on my weight-loss goals, eating healthier and making the necessary changes for a better me. I’m so tired of trying to continue with what seems to be a losing battle. Frustration is writing this blog tonight. I do realize this, but need to write down my thoughts as part of my journey.

Goodnight.

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