Posts tagged ‘tired’

“I feel like giving up!”

Torn tendon in foot, near pnuemonia…. “What’s next? So tired!”

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Everything UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!

Seriously UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!

F2F2F

Another Day Another Dollar!

Another Day Another Dollar!

Core day at the gym was rough! It was rough, but it was good. I’m trying so hard to take my frustration out at the gym. My weight seems to be steadily going nowhere. I know this is a battle; but I’m struggling so hard with a “what’s the point” attitude. Nothing I seem to be doing is helping… I know this is but a moment and a downward one at that; but I said I’d be honest in my blogging throughout 2013 and my journey of weight-loss. So here it is; frustration at its lowest.

Excuses!

Excuses!

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on this myself. Am I buying my own excuses? Indeed, my life is somewhat of a crazy mess. That being said, how long can I continue on the path I’m going? Not long, unless my desired goal is to GAIN WEIGHT!!

Something has to give… but in there lies the quandry. My daily life isn’t going anywhere; son w/ autism who requires a lot of care, husband who travels for work, “(it pays the bills) and the aging process! Argghhh!!

So what do I do? How do I work out daily life so that I can take care of my own needs? Sound selfish? I don’t mean it too. But I also realize that if I don’t do something, I will either be 400 pounds, crazy or BOTH!

The docs appointment is this Thursday. My results are back, in regards to my thyroid and my hormone levels. As much as one doesn’t want something to be wrong; I am hoping that the results will shed some light onto my current physical condition. I don’t think I have ever been so tired and without motivation in my life. But as I look over the last 20+ years I realize I didn’t have the trials, responsibilities and daily interuptions I have now.

I’ll be keeping you all posted on what I find out from the docs. Thanks for all my fellow bloggers support. It’s nice to know I’m not alone on this journey.

F2F2F

Tired of failing…

When you’re desperation is gone; so is your commitment.

I seem to understand desperation a lot these days. Commitment, not so much.

I don’t think I have ever struggled this much in my life. I don’t seem to be able to make one day lately without giving up on myself. I’ve gone from being strong, determined and hopeful; to tired, sad and defeated!

I keep trying, but it lasts only a few days. I just can’t seem to get more than a few steps out of the starting gate. So what’s my problem? If I understand desperation so well, where’s my commitment? Maybe my desperation isn’t so desperate after all.

I’m desperate to lose weight. At least I say I am!

I’m desperate to feel better about myself. But not willing to do what it takes!

But mostly, I’m desperate to continue eating garbage to make myself feel better. Even though I know I am only doing more damage.

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I’m commited to pretending to be commited.

I’m commited to eating all the wrong foods. And burying my emotions.

I’m commited to the quick fix, which never really works!

So maybe I’m not so desperate after all, or even commited. I stumble through each day pretending to be working on my weight-loss goals, eating healthier and making the necessary changes for a better me. I’m so tired of trying to continue with what seems to be a losing battle. Frustration is writing this blog tonight. I do realize this, but need to write down my thoughts as part of my journey.

Goodnight.

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